Because Proper Story Structure Is Boring
by NinjaGogeta
Summary: Because in a world where magic exists, robots have souls, and Jack Rakan is a thing, clearly a stupidly overpowered character who doesn't give two shakes of an Ermine's tail about the fourth wall or the plot is needed. Crackfic, not to be taken seriously. Like, at all. VERY overpowered Naruko.


Konoemon Konoe wasn't sure what he was expecting to happen today. When he woke up, with his trombone shaped sleeping cap on, he pondered on the possibilities that the day would bring. Maybe the Narutaki twins would try another prank (they haven't tried anything since the hungry tiger he found in his pigeon hole) or maybe his konosetsu fanfic would receive some reviews (he was surprised the pairing had such a huge following, considering this was real life and whatnot) or maybe, just maybe, Takamichi would finally admit that he was being sponsored by Marlboro.

With these possibilities hovering in his mind, Konoemon happily jumped onto the bus and made his way to Mahora Academy, where he happened to be the Principal. On the way he waved to the students who he knew would bother to return it, and flipping off those who were a bit arsey. He was the Principal, so anything goes. Arriving at his office, he discovered that yes; the Narutaki twins had indeed tried a prank, but fortunately for him his secretary had sprung it. He made a note that he should tell the girls not to use sulphuric acid balloons again- Ofsted would have a fit! He made another note to get a new secretary.

Entering his office he happened upon a large box, sitting on his desk. Of course, it wasn't actually sitting, as that would imply it had a backside. So, to be more accurate, it was placed on his desk. Hurray for appropriate wording. Approaching his desk, and sub sequentially the box, he noticed a small note tacked on to the side. It read; _Dear Konoemon, happy birthday, an old friend_. Konoemon was pleasantly surprised, as well as more than a little confused. After all, it wasn't even his birthday! Or was it? He was so old, he wasn't sure.

Casting his mind back over the years- a large task, as he had lived a jolly long time- he tried to guess just who could have sent him this present. Could it possibly be Steve, the Indonesian Hairdresser he met in 1984? Or perchance it was Serras, the twelfth cousin, seven times removed of Princess Arika, who he met on a skiing holiday? No, no, it couldn't possibly be them. After all, Serras was illiterate- and thus incapable of writing a note- and Steve believed that gift giving was part of the Capitalist system of control, which he wanted no part in. No, he had a feeling that he would have to cast his memory back even further than that.

Was it maybe his babysitter, who was world renown for looking after 234 children, all but one of which would end up in the circus after the severe mental scarring that came with being sat on. Konoemon was the only one of those children who went on to have a somewhat successful life; well, apart from the horrible head deformation that plagued him, even to this day. Well, how else do you think 233 people ALL ended up in the circus? But no, again, it couldn't be her, because she died of Backstory Disease a long time ago, which while sad, did help child number one-hundred-and-seventy-four have an interesting if not tragic life.

Konoemon had the urge to stop thinking about who delivered the box, because the writer is getting bored of this bit. So, without a further thought he reached into his drawer, pulled out his trusty spatula, and got to work on opening the box. In seconds, he had the lid off, and from within the box emerged someone who he had not seen in a long time.

"Konoemon you old bastard!" Was the cry that was released as a blonde female jumped out of the box "I've been in that box for ages; do you have any idea how boring it is going through customs? In a box?"

"I can't imagine it's all that much better than standing in the customs line." Konoemon responded, before he realised just who was in the box. "Naruko! It's been too long!" Yes, in the box just so happened to be a gender bent version of Naruto Uzumaki, the titular character of the popular- if not severely plot confused- manga and anime, Naruto. However, going into any further detail will most likely destroy the very fabric of space and time as we know it, so let's not think any further about it, ok? Seriously, if a single review mentions it, the universe will implode. The blonde girl smiled widely, and playfully punched the old man on the shoulder.

"Yep, that's me! Super badass and wonderfully overpowered Queen of all things awesome, at your service!" Konoemon sweatdropped, because he is an anime character and is prone to doing so. However, he ignored her introduction, and decided to be borin- I mean, serious.

"What could the Kyuubi no Kitsune possibly be doing in my mail?" Konoemon asked, in a horribly lazy and contrite way of revealing Naruko's status, completely ruining any possibility of mystery as to Naruko's origins. But, luckily for Konoemon, they was still stuff left to reveal, so he didn't fuck everything over. It was then that Konoemon realised that Naruko, was in fact, sitting on the ceiling. Yet, despite this fact, her hair (that will not be described as to confuse the reader as they try to picture Naruko, and because the writer is a lazy bastard) was not adhering to the rules of gravity. Naruko shrugged and fell from the ceiling, landing in a hand stand, and since half of this crossover is an Akamatsu manga, giving Konoemon a view of her panties. Curious, as she was wearing trousers.

"I was bored and couldn't be bothered to go through a really complicated and overthought backstory that would realistically wind me up where the plot happens." Really, the writer is a lazy fucker. With a small hop, the girl- who was the Kyuubi, in case that wasn't clear already or you happened to forget- sat on Konoemon's desk. And yes, she was sat, as she had a bottom. With a yawn she picked up some of his paperwork and flicked through it. "Wow, you got boring in your old age." She whistled as she leafed through the pages. "This probably isn't important." She said, pulling out a page and lighting it on fire through a power that could be explained, but really wont. In fact, it doesn't really matter, as it probably won't be used again. The document which Naruko deemed, unimportant, was in fact the transfer papers for a poor boy that had ended up in Yokai Academy. Sadly for him he would remain the sole human in a school for monsters. But then again, he will be surrounded by breasts someday, so maybe it was a lucky break for the boring, wimpy character. Again, Konoemon had decided to be boring, so he pressed his earlier question.

"Why are you here, Naruko? And after so many years that won't be confirmed because it would get complicated." Naruko sighed and threw the rest of the papers over her shoulders. Borinoemon winced, as he knew that without his secretary, he would be cleaning that up.

"Are you a Digimon? Because that would make perfect sense, what with your head being all screwy." Konoemon knew that he would have to take a different approach, so he took a deep breath and tried again.

"Naruko, you're not here for any particular reason, are you?" Naruko shook her head.

"Nope. I just thought I'd insert myself into a story which already has too many characters and try to fit myself in." Konoemon nodded.

"Would you like to be an assistant teacher?"

"Pfft, no screw that. That sounds like I'd actually have to do shit. I may be bored from years of being alive, but I'm not that bored." Ah, it made sense now. As the Kyuubi no Kitsune, it could be assumed that Naruko lived for a very long time, and it is only common sense to think that an immortal would grow bored. Hell, just look at Evangeline, who had grown bored of living at Mahora by day three. Oh yes, day one wasn't so bad, but by day three she had already finished her whole library of video games, and for several years after that suffered terrible boredom, to the point where she went crazy and tried to swim up the school walls. Thankfully for her, all memory of that event was wiped from anyone who saw it, so mentioning it is incredibly pointless. "Oi, stop going off on a stupid tangent and listen to me!" Ah, sorry Naruko, bad habit.

"How about being a student then?"

"Er, that sounds even worse! Can't I do something else?" Naruko suggested. She had always liked the idea of being the head of a disciplinary squad and beating up delinquents and innocents indiscriminately. Oh wait, Takahata Naruto did it first, so if she did it, she would instantly be a copycat and would be flamed like she was a Spy on Team Fortress 2. "Got any convenient spare jobs on offer?" Konoemon hummed in thought, and approached his desk. As he ruffled through some papers, Naruko mentioned something she just noticed. "Doesn't the writing seem to have mellowed out a bit on the random side?"

"Yes, because conversations are boring." Konoemon absently answered, and Naruko's mouth made an 'O' shape in understanding. After a few seconds of hurried shuffling (because he knew if he took too long Naruko would find some way to entertain herself, which, best case scenario, would end up with his office catching fire) he found a job form and presented it to her. With a raised brow she took the paper from his hands and looked it over.

"P.E. Teacher?" The idea intrigued her. It could be fun; torturing children through physical exercise and listening to them complain about it, while she merely laughs and brushed it off like any true anime/manga teacher tends to do. The idea really, truly did appeal to her. Plus she could enjoy the view; what? To an ancient being like Naruko, age differences will occur no matter how old the other person is. Of course, children under 14 were off the market, but as an anime/manga/fanficiton character, she was apparently let off from any legal problems that could occur from ogling middle schoolgirls. Lolis are a maybe, if they are immortal; but that is a very, very big maybe. "Alright, I'll take it. But if it gets too boring them I'm gonna bounce." Konoemon laughed and sat down in his chair.

"But of course."

"Will I get paid?"

"What would you possibly do with money?" Naruko looked offended, and she placed her hand in her chest in outrage.

"I say, are you being discriminative?! I'll have you know that we ancient chakra constructs have as much rights to equal pay as any flesh and blood creature does! I should tell the union!" Konoemon paled, before stopping in thought.

"You have a union?"

"Oh yeah; It was B's idea after he decided to become a rap star, and he was discriminated against for being an ancient chakra construct! So he made a union!" Konoemon blinked.

"So, he wasn't discriminated against for being…"

"What?"

"You know…a bad rapper."

"Huh…that actually might be it. NO! THAT MAKES SENSE! NOOOOO!" At the terrible notion of something making sense, Naruko ran from the room in fright. Konoemon was left with a Naruko sized hole in the wall, papers littered all over the room, and a signed job application form on his desk. After staring at the state of his office for a while, the man shrugged and clicked his fingers. With a small spell, his office was conveniently back in perfect order.

Magic's great like that, isn't it.

"What happened here?" Damn it! Who ruined the perfect set up for the end of the chapter? As it turns out, it was none other than Takamichi, who strolled in through the hole in the wall. Apparently that was unaffected by the spell, probably because of some complicated flaw in the spell that doesn't affect plaster and bricks- or it could be because the writer is so stupid that he forgot something that he wrote literally seconds beforehand.

"An old friend stopped by; she'll be the new P.E. teacher." Takamichi blinked, before shrugging.

"Ok." The two stayed in awkward silence for a moment, before Takamichi shrugged and walked out. "Bye."

Now didn't that add just oh so much to the story?

Well, apart from an extra 110 words, making this chapter over 2000 words long, then no, not really.


End file.
